Has Riverdale gone too Riverdale at this point? That’s the (fairly confusing) question I’m asking myself after this week’s episode. With so many plots in the air, I’m starting to wonder if the show is focusing so much on the “Riverdale-ness” of it all that it’s being a little too loose with story. I mean, Veronica just sang “Bittersweet Symphony” while walking down the aisle of her own confirmation. Also, Betty now spends her mornings having webcam sex before school? And let’s not forget that there were TWO murders this week. Finally, I have some questions about the relationships on this show. But let’s start at the beginning…
Now officially Hiram’s intern, Archie is running around town picking up dry cleaning and just generally trying to make Hiram love him. And so far, it seems to be working because not only is Achie coming to Veronica’s confirmation, but Hiram also invites him to play server at his pre-confirmation poker game with the skeeziest businessmen around! Oh sorry, I should add that Hiram invites Archie to the poker game only after learning that Archie beat up Nick St. Clair while the guy was wearing two leg casts and couldn’t move. Consider Hiram impressed!
And when he’s not grooming/torturing Archie, Hiram is busy making Jug’s life terrible — or more terrible, I suppose. When Hiram’s lawyer calls the school and threatens to sue the Blue and Gold for defamation after Jug’s article about General Pickens, both Jug and Betty are suspended from the newspaper staff. And then there’s the little problem of Jug and his dad — and all the Serpents — getting an eviction notice from the city. Either they deliver General Pickens’ decapitated head, or they’re gone. And, spoiler alert, Hiram is behind that too. Because at this point, he’s pulling the mayor’s strings.
One good thing about Hiram’s involvement is that it finally forces Jug and Betty to talk about Toni. How this happens I’m not really sure, but after they’re suspended from the paper, Betty decides it’s a good time to ask him if he ever “did anything” with Toni. He admits they did “some stuff but not everything,” and when he asks her about her post-breakup life, she lies and says she hasn’t “done anything” with anyone, despite the fact that we all know she kissed Archie! Also, is there anything worse than listening to two teens attempt to talk about “stuff”?
Getting back to the Archie of it all, Agent Adams shows up at his house all angry that he wasn’t invited to Veronica’s confirmation. But he knows it’s the hottest party in town and he’s new, so he understands. Thankfully, he’s besties with cool kid Archie Andrews, who agrees to be his eyes and ears (and abs) at the shindig. In other news, I just wrote “shindig!”